My hubby lives 500 miles away – some think it’s weird but it’s perfect

Between that and my hobbies, my life was busy and fulfilling. He’d even held on to my old letters, and reading them was amazing.

Thomas and Christina Metzger married in June 2017 - but still live in two different countries, 500 miles apart from one another
Thomas and Christina Metzger married in June 2017 – but still live in two different countries, 500 miles apart from one another

Benefits of a long distance relationship:We’ve always trusted each other and had excellent communication.I was too scared to move abroad – I couldn’t speak the language and didn’t know anyone there. As my plane landed, my mind was whirring. What was I doing?

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Aged 20, I wasn’t looking for love when I booked a week of fun in the sun with my friend Jackie. Saying goodbye was awful, as I’d really fallen for him. In our daily phone calls and messages, I’d share everything with Thomas, and he’d tell me about his work as a civil servant and what he’d been up to with his grandchildren. When Thomas invited me to visit him for a week that October, I jumped at the chance.

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I first met Thomas in a club in Benidorm in August 1981. We had no idea how it would go, but from the start it worked brilliantly. We’ve now been happily married – and living in two different countries – for seven years. Without hesitating, I sent him a friend request. A week later, he accepted and sent a message.

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Christine was heartbroken when things came to an end with Thomas back in the Eighties
Christine was heartbroken when things came to an end with Thomas back in the Eighties

Like me, he’d been married and divorced, and we had five children and one grandchild between us.I lived with my parents in Loughton, Essex, and he was in Mannheim, a city in the south-west of Germany. Mum, tell him how you feelIn September 2015, on a trip to Venice, Thomas proposed. It might sound strange to organise a wedding and make no plans to live together, but to us that was just normal. We texted each morning and evening, and video-chatted every Saturday and Sunday morning when we weren’t together.Heartbroken, we agreed to be just friends. Our letters continued regularly, sharing details about our lives, including if we were dating.But I’ve lost count of the number of women who’ve said our set-up sounds perfect. 

It hasn’t always been easy. Covid was simply horrendous, as during the whole of 2020, we saw one another just four times. Christina Metzger

I quickly realised I was getting the best of both worldsMaybe one day we’ll live together, but who knows, we may stay as we are. Then, in 1990, as both our lives got busier, the letters between us became more sporadic. Finally, they stopped, although I never forgot Thomas.Thomas, then 19, lived in Germany and was handsome, funny and kind. From that first dance we were inseparable, spending the rest of the holiday together.For now, I have my own life and a husband I love. It’s everything I could possibly want. There was no WhatsApp or Zoom back then, and international calls were expensive, so we stayed in touch via letters, which took about a fortnight to arrive. Our secret? We live 500 miles – and two countries – apart.We have to be organised, though. There are the flights to book, which are around £50 return, and airport parking at £70 a time.I know it’s strange to others. How can I live so far from my husband?I was thrilled when he said he felt the same. We both wanted to give a relationship a go. I met his parents and we took romantic sightseeing trips – it was magical. We were in love.

LONG-DISTANCE love isn’t hard for Christina Metzger. Christina’s daughter Nicole

In August, after three months of messaging, I asked if he wanted to meet up. He agreed and suggested I fly to Germany. Booking my ticket and hotel, I felt giddy. However, Thomas was about to start mandatory military service, so couldn’t leave Germany. But we had families, jobs and lives we loved in our own countries. So we hatched a plan: using low-cost airlines, I’d fly to him one weekend, he’d fly to me the next and then we’d have a weekend apart. After we married in June 2017 in front of friends and family, and took our honeymoon in the mountains of Salzburg, we returned to our own countries. We were newlyweds living 500 miles apart. In 1985, I married and had my first daughter, Nicole, now 38. “Wow, you found me,” he wrote. “I’ve been searching for you since 2006 when I divorced…”We kept the trip strictly in the friend zone, but I couldn’t stop wondering if we could be more than that.Expecting her to tell me to not be so silly, I explained about Thomas and my trip. “Mum,” she said, “tell him how you feel.” I ran my own financial services business and was a hands-on grandmother. Having the chance to miss Thomas made it all the more exciting when I walked through the arrivals gate and he was there to meet me. It felt like I had two homes. I moved clothes into his house, and he did the same, which made our visits even easier. 

But we persevered, because we felt there was something special between us. Family and friends thought it was very sweet.Christina Metzger

Clutching my boarding pass, I kiss Thomas goodbye. Our romantic weekend together has come to an end, and I have to head 500 miles home – alone.Suddenly, I saw him waiting for me at arrivals. He kissed me on both cheeks. It was wonderful to see him.If we did argue, it was resolved quickly, and we prioritised each other and the time we had together. Being apart meant we never took each other for granted. But Thomas, 61, isn’t a holiday fling or someone I’m dating  – we’ve been happily married for seven years and have a perfect relationship. But now flying feels as normal as catching a bus.That was until May 2012, when I joined Facebook. I found myself typing in Thomas’ name, and there he was. I was so excited to see his face after so long.My family was supportive and thought it was a great plan.The messages continued between us as we shared stories of our lives.I sensed Thomas was the same kind man I’d fallen in love with three decades earlier. My daughter Nicole saw I was acting strangely and asked me what was going on.

Christina still lives in England most of the time
Christina still lives in England most of the time
She and Thomas make use of budget flights to see one another
She and Thomas make use of budget flights to see one another

Back home, I was at a family barbecue when it hit me – I was heartbroken. I quickly realised I was getting the best of both worlds – all the independence to live the life I wanted, and a happy, stable relationship with a man I loved. There was always a pang of “what might have been?”, but I was happy for him. It was wonderful to get to know Thomas’ family and for him to meet mine. Everyone was supportive, and they trusted us to make our own decisions on how we lived our lives.Writing to him was impossible, as I had no idea where he lived by then, so I put him out of my mind. My heart was pounding and I felt like a teenagerThat evening, I nervously messaged him on Facebook and did exactly that. But when I found myself dancing with this gorgeous guy, who was tall, tanned and had a lovely smile, I couldn’t deny the chemistry between us.Christina, 62, explains why dividing her time between England and Germany is the recipe for relationship success.

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Common problems in long distance relationships: That’s when the butterflies hit. My heart was pounding and I felt like a teenager.

Long distance relationship facts

When my marriage ended in 1994, I thought about Thomas again. Had he ever married or had children?

eHarmony shared the pros and cons of a long distance relationship.

  • They force you to learn to be patient and trusting 
  • They give you space for the rest of your life 
  • They let you appreciate your time together 
  • They’re an excuse to travel 
  • They encourage you to look at your relationship with clear eyes 

The trip was lovely. We talked about our lives and visited the sights we’d seen together years before.

  • The expense 
  • The lack of physical intimacy 
  • The jealousy and the insecurity 
  • The communication gap 

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