Pete Wicks’ childhood trauma…saving suicidal mum & ‘intense grief’ at tragedy

“Right now, I’m not ready to wholeheartedly commit to a romantic relationship because I don’t fully understand myself yet. “And I understand that things were difficult for him at the time but I wasn’t enough for him to stay, was I?”

Pete is dancing with Jowita Przystal on Strictly
Pete is dancing with Jowita Przystal on StrictlyCredit: PA
The former The Only Way is Essex star has had a bad boy reputation since appearing on the show
The former The Only Way is Essex star has had a bad boy reputation since appearing on the showCredit: Splash
In his new book, he opens up about the trauma he faced as a child, including a horrific experience with his mum
In his new book, he opens up about the trauma he faced as a child, including a horrific experience with his mumCredit: Instagram/@p_wicks01

He also spoke ab out his fears of “dying alone”.Pete spoke fondly about his grandmother in several interviews. In one, he compared her to “the nan from Catherine Tate”. “I told her it was okay as I panicked trying to work out what to do. I called Nan. I could barely get the words out to describe what had happened. I think I basically just said, ‘Mum… knife… blood.’”When asked about the impact it had on him, he replied: “It made me become the man I am and part of what I am, which I’m grateful for. But it’s not his fault. A lot of that is probably my fault as well.”

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Talking to Celeb Go Dating’s Paul C Bruson and Anna Williamson in a November 2022 episode, Pete broke down as he spoke about his beloved grandmother.Born in Harlow, Essex, Pete describes himself as “blonde, fat, quite sociable, and happy.” As a child, he had an obsession with sticks and would even sleep with one in his bed.The pair first met in 2018 while appearing on Celebs Go Dating together. After that, Sam paid a moving tribute to Pete on Instagram, saying he learned a lot from him.

Estranged dad

“She was holding a knife in her other hand. Immediately, I ran over to her to take the knife from her hand. Before that, she had seemed almost possessed – it was like my mum had gone and someone (or something) else had taken over her body.

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During that time, he developed a reputation as a love rat. He says his antics on the show still haunt him today.”Career-wise, I was on a high, but personally, I was going through intense grief. It changes everything.”

Pete Wicks is the gift Strictly Come Dancing really needs – and here’s why he’s a dark horse to win the show
Pete says he was "blonde, fat, quite sociable, and happy" as a child
Pete says he was “blonde, fat, quite sociable, and happy” as a childCredit: INSTAGRAM
He was a huge dog lover and is still passionate about them to this day
He was a huge dog lover and is still passionate about them to this dayCredit: Louis Wood – The Sun

Before TOWIE, Pete was in a relationship with Ex on the Beach star Harriet Harper. After he joined the show, he dated Jess Wright and Verity Chapman.”For example, I’m getting to grips with the silent, angry side of me, whereas Sam never f***ing stops talking about how he feels, without ever really understanding what the f*** he’s on about.””I grabbed towels to try to stop the bleeding. I poured the wine down the sink. It’s hard to pinpoint how I felt in that moment, because I think it was just pure shock. I didn’t cry – I just went into crisis mode.””I have been blessed to have you as my nan but more importantly to have you as my best friend.However, in June 2022, Pete’s life was rocked when Doreen passed away in her early eighties. But his relationship with Megan McKenna, 31, took up most of his storylines on the show. Their relationship, which lasted for a year and a half, was marred by cheating rumours.The devastated star said: “Nan, despite knowing this time would always come, it doesn’t make it any easier.

“Pure shock”

Pete has often spoken in interviews about how close he is to his mum Tracy
Pete has often spoken in interviews about how close he is to his mum Tracy
At the age of 12, he saved her life after a terrifying suicide attempt
At the age of 12, he saved her life after a terrifying suicide attemptCredit: Facebook
Pete is among the celebrities set to dazzle in Strictly Come Dancing this year
Pete is among the celebrities set to dazzle in Strictly Come Dancing this yearCredit: PA

Here’s who is matched with who this series…They started working together professionally and hosted Reality News on E4. They also launched their podcast, Staying Relevant, which has been hugely successful. But his happy childhood was almost shattered by the divorce of his parents when he was just 11. “I didn’t say it but I believed it was my fault”, he says. “I had been with Mum before it happened. I had agreed to go upstairs. I had stayed upstairs even though I could hear her wailing.”The strength, resilience, love, empathy and compassion you have shown throughout your life is a lesson to us all and without doubt the only good parts of me come from you.”But when I came over to her, it’s like she woke up. She looked up at me with eyes full of tears. ‘I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,’ she kept repeating. Pete said he felt “sadness and anger” when his father left and added: “It’s been something I’ve managed to keep under control for years and recently I found it a lot harder. I just felt sad for years.”During an episode of Celebs Go Dating, he said: “My dad is a good man. My mum and dad split up when I was younger – 11 or so – and I’ve barely seen him since.”But it turns out that is something TV producers were looking for: they call it ‘authenticity'”.”It’s taken me days not knowing what to say because no words will ever be able to describe what you meant to me. My heart is broken and I have never felt so lost.Sadly, Pete said he blamed himself for what happened and lived with the guilt.

Describing a traumatic incident where he saved her life in his book, Pete says: “I saw her sitting at the table, which had been covered in blood. I saw the blood dripping first. Pete Wicks

In recent years, Pete has been linked to some of the most glamorous women in showbiz.”If it was anyone’s fault, it was mine. Looking back, I know that my responsibility was probably overwhelming in that moment. I was the child and I needed to be looked after.His mother turned to booze after the split and Pete became a paper boy at 12 to help with their dire financial situation.Pete has often spoken about his love for his mother, Tracy, and grandmother Doreen.

Nan’s death

Pete said his grandmother was his best friend and compared her to "the nan from Catherine Tate"
Pete said his grandmother was his best friend and compared her to “the nan from Catherine Tate”Credit: Instagram
In an interview, he said she was the only one who told him the truth about himself
In an interview, he said she was the only one who told him the truth about himselfCredit: Instagram

Speaking about their friendship, Pete said: “He is family to me now. You learn so much even from people who are totally different from you.In an interview, he said: “The two most important people in my life are my mum and my nan. We are like the three best friends anyone could have.”He said: “She is the only person that tells me the truth, non-stop. My mum loves me, whatever I do, despite the fact that I’m generally a bit of a w***er.He is the reality star bad boy who hopes to waltz his way into the hearts of millions of Strictly Come Dancing fans this year. Pete, 35, is one of the biggest reality stars in the country after finding fame on ITV’s The Only Way Is Essex.”Instead, I had to look after my parent and suppress all the fear, panic, loneliness and self-blame that was beginning to grow inside me.””But my nan will tell me when I’m a w***er. In fact, she quite often tells me I’m a w***er when she’s not calling me Steve. She’s got a habit of calling me Steve. I’m not entirely sure why.”And while Tracy will be cheering on her son on Strictly this year, there was a time where Pete feared she wouldn’t be here. When Anna asked of he had allowed himself time to grieve, he replied: “In my way. But it’s been tough. Yeah, it’s been tough.”

Pete was left devastated and "lost" when his grandmother died in 2022
Pete was left devastated and “lost” when his grandmother died in 2022Credit: Instagram

He said: “I’m nearly 36. I want to get married and have kids. I’ve been blessed with so many opportunities, but what’s the point if I can’t share them with anyone? “I’ve been villainised and loved in equal measure”, he told The Times. “I’m still getting death threats even now. Once you’re tarred with a certain brush it’s hard to shake that reputation but it’s part of the life of reality TV.”Career-wise, I was on a high, but personally, I was going through intense grief. It changes everythingIn 2022, Pete moved Celebrity SAS viewers to tears when he spoke about his fears of vulnerability and opening up to people.

“Lonely life”

Pete was in a relationship with Megan McKenna, which played out on TOWIE
Pete was in a relationship with Megan McKenna, which played out on TOWIECredit: Rex
Their relationship was marred by rumours of infidelity, which earned Pete a playboy reputation
Their relationship was marred by rumours of infidelity, which earned Pete a playboy reputationCredit: Rex Features

“Him leaving didn’t just affect me. My mum was not in a great way for a good few years. And I didn’t really get a chance to process what I needed to process because I had to make sure she was alright.”Now has revealed his traumatic childhood in a new book, Never Enough, released this week ahead of his first live dance on Saturday’s Strictly.Known as the show’s resident bad boy, fans were drawn in by his loyalty as a friend and his dry sense of humour.After the split, he lost contact with his father, who moved to the Middle East.He has since been with stars such as Megan Barton Hanson, Maura Higgins, and Chloe Sims. Although he has a reputation as a ladies man, Pete says he would like to settle down.”I hope you knew how much you were loved. Sleep well and be at peace, no one deserves it more. I love you.

He has also been linked to Love Island star Maura Higgins, left
He has also been linked to Love Island star Maura Higgins, leftCredit: The Mega Agency

He said: “I don’t have a particularly good view of myself, if I’m honest with you. I don’t think I’ve been a particularly nice person sometimes and I don’t think I’ve dealt with things particularly well.He went on to appear on several TV shows, such as Celebs Go Dating and The Real Full Monty.”I’ve failed in so many relationships because I feel women fall in love with the idea of me, not the reality. I would love to find a wife but you know what? I may end up one of those men who dies alone.”When Tracy made a recovery, he told him it was a “moment of madness” and promised him it would never happen again. “I spent most of my life surrounded by people and I spend most of my life out doing things but I’ve got quite a lonely life, I think, if I don’t sort that out then I will forever just be on my own.”Pete’s grandmother tried to calm him down and told him to call 999. He continues: “I took her instructions, calling the ambulance, and then I got to work trying to look after Mum, who by that point was sitting on the floor and bleeding very badly.

One of the most consistent relationships in his life has been his unlikely friendship with Made In Chelsea star Sam Thompson, 32. While Sam is known for his bubbly personality, Pete is often reserved and stoic.Pete Wicks

However, looking back at the Strictly star’s childhood reveals how he overcame multiple tragedies to become the star he is today.

Sam Thompson bromance

Pete's relationship with Sam Thompson has earned him the admiration of many fans
Pete’s relationship with Sam Thompson has earned him the admiration of many fansCredit: Instagram

It’s hard to pinpoint how I felt in that moment, because I think it was just pure shock. I didn’t cry – I just went into crisis modeIn his book, he says: “I still don’t currently have a relationship with my dad. I admire him more than any other man in the world, but unfortunately, we have fallen out. But despite his tough exterior, Pete Wicks has overcome tragedy and trauma throughout his life.

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“Hopefully, one day, we will fix that.”Speaking to The Times about his time on the show, he said: “I didn’t really see a future in making a pr*** of myself on telly. I didn’t try. I was just being me.

Pete's fame started when he appeared as a regular cast on The Only Way Is Essex
Pete’s fame started when he appeared as a regular cast on The Only Way Is EssexCredit: Splash News
He is now one of the most sought-after reality stars in the country
He is now one of the most sought-after reality stars in the countryCredit: Splash News

Strictly 2024 pairings

Pete has said his grandmother was the inspiration behind his new book. He said: “Nan dying three years ago is what triggered the book.

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